I suggest anyone unused to the ramblings of a not so balanced mind that can't sleep doesn't read the following.
AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
I nearly did something that I'm not meant to anymore. The ww thingy has helped a lot with the control aspects and life's not been stressful enough for it to be a major issue over the last 2 months. Getting back in to living in hotel rooms next week - well we'll just have to see how that goes. I was doing so well - I've said that before - but then I get upset over something that I should be able to deal with but cos MrT's away for a couple of days it all gets blown out of all proportion and all rational thinking goes out the window. I guess it's hard to have middle of the night hysteria when there's someone next to you snoring but he's away again - he had a medical appointment (it's complicated) back home and his family (and him to be fair) are very needy for attention - until I produce offspring I will not be on a level pegging with the rest.
Anyway the point is that I had a good old hairy half hour but I didn't do it! Does that count as a victory? I'm not suggesting anyone lines the Appian Way but still it's a small melee (not even a tussle really) that's been won and I guess it's like the cold war (might look like it's over but it's so not).
Why did I get upset in the first place? My parents sold their house last week and they're moving out on Friday - I lived there my whole life and haven't been back since November and now I never will. Silly really cos my Dad's had so many problems that I know he has to move out of the area to avoid seeing people (just seeing some people is enough to trigger a set of peaks and troughs like you've never seen). But it's still my home - this flat, windy place will never be my home so I'm feeling a smidge bereft and I'm not sure if I'm being childish or not.
I should be glad - I have what appears to be one of the few safe jobs in chemistry at the moment, I have a husband who's worked out how to empty the kitchen bin and we have a small house with a huge mortgage (it's still a house and it's ours - the banks really but they let us live here). Heck the world might be starting to become a better place - Obama actually seems to be human and he realises that science isn't alchemy to be avoided at all costs.
Things are good so I really have no right to cry over losing something that wasn't mine to lose.
A why and an eavesdropping and a brief update
4 years ago
2 comments:
I'm dreading the time when my parents have to sell their house. I too lived all my life until Uni there, and just thinking about it makes me want to cry. So I think dealing with it in any way is a triumph.
I hope the hotel room living is better than you expect.
When my folks sold the family home, they were SO happy. They lived there 24 years, since just before I was born, and they didn't like the place, the neighbourhood, anything (plus had both been ill there), and were moving to a place they really like. My sister and I felt like they were making us homeless - we were so grieved it was stupid, and we couldn't really tell them about it because they were so damn happy. In a way it was worse for her because she lived within walking distance, never went to uni - I think she felt as if they were leaving her behind too, as if by not staying they were saying she wasn't as important as a place. I was just bereft - I was a grad student at the time, writing up, and things were unsettled enough without having no home to go to. I love my folks but I don't like the place they moved to, don't know it and don't know anyone there. It's not home. I feel like I have nowhere to run away to sometimes, it's horrible. Coping with it in any way is a triumph, it really is (I ate several king-size chocolate bars and my sister ate about half a salad the day they moved... and we both felt entirely justified in falling back on our preferred teenage coping mechanisms)
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