I realise that many of the blogs that I read are about academia. Both my parents were academics (one in an FE college and one in a Scottish University). I also spent 8 years at uni (MChem is 5 years north of the border + PhD). My big bro's a postdoc. My job now entails travelling around Universities (mainly acquiring new and exciting colds). I guess my point is that my life has always been dominated by the teritary education system in the UK.
Since the age of 14 I wanted to be a chemist. I wanted to work in pharma and make a difference saving the world (hero complex I know). I was totally inspired by my chemistry teacher. I was slightly peeved when my big bro decided at the last minute to do chem at my first choice of uni but I got over it. After 10 years you get used to people assuming that you're just copying your older sibling. I got into uni - I worked hard and didn't play at all for the first 3 years. I only got a 2:1 but I loved research and my MChem project and well you can never pyrolysis too much crap. It wasn't easy but I worked bloody hard and I made it. I then endured a 3 year long hell of PhD in the most infuriating male only group ever. I put up with the shit - developed a life altering condition (not something I will ever discuss here). I finally got a job during my writing up for a large pharma - turns out I suck as a chemist. I can pyrolyse, I can NMR, I can H&S, I can organise some pretty horrible boys to tidying, cleaning and working within safety regs, I can totally run the practical side of a research group but I suck at general/mainstream organic chem. Luckily God took the choice away from me and my screwy skin rebelled and it turned out wearing gloves for lab work was out of the question long term.
So now I still work in chemical science but on the communication side of things. On my travels so far I have had to offer of long distance tutoring for one uni and been given info (along with a meaningful grin) about a teaching fellowship going at another. If I'm honest (rare) I love teaching. I couldn't teach at school level - the students have to want to be there. I know how crappy and hideous academia can be (I grew up in the politics). I just don't think I'm clever enough. I know my general chem knowledge has flooded out of my head since starting this job so I'd totally have to revise. I also found out that a couple of the insanely clever (genius level - yet arrogant bastards) slagged me off after I left. I know there was a whole lot of other shit going on the year I worked there (including writing my thesis - not fun) in all my spare time but I guess I did suck. My PhD was just not conventional, we didn't do group meetings and I didn't use a single protecting group.
I'm really uninspired by my current job - who'd have guessed? But am I clever enough to do anything other than chatting to students and public speaking. I'm actually good at the public speaking thingy - and I can explain stuff to people really quite well. I'm good at teaching I just can't memorise huge amounts of information.
Still it's not really worth worrying about - we bought a house so in the current climate we're stuck here for a while.
This post is very jumbled and long and I don't expect anyone will read it but I needed to write this down - it's time to be honest again me thinks.
A why and an eavesdropping and a brief update
4 years ago
1 comment:
The open university often looks for tutors for distance learning. It is difficult though, and you do need to revise. I've spent every Monday morning for 11 weeks frantically revising physical chemistry for first year tutorial sessions. Its OK when its stuff you've lectured (which only takes 8 hours/hour of class to prepare), but I've been a tutor across the whole chemistry first year from kinetics to thermodynamics and back again. Very hard going.
It isn't really about clever or not, its about whether you can explain things or not. If you've struggled to learn a concept, you understand where the students may slip up. BTW I got a 2:1 MChem.
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